So, as school years usually do, mine is coming to an end.
Except I just realized that. The last day of classes is tomorrow.
I'm still in Texas for 2 months, and I have been very focused on that- trying to stay present and not daydream too much about home. Somehow in my attempt to stay present, I lost sight of the fact that the school year is ending tomorrow and I have to say goodbye to my students. I was certainly excited to no longer have to plan lessons or grade papers (I'm drowning in a sea of research papers, help!), but not at all to leave my students.
It's been an emotional month, and saying goodbye to the kids is the cherry on top. I'm so incredibly proud of them and how much they've grown this year- in fact, I just burst into tears grading a research paper, because in the beginning of the year its author couldn't write a complete sentence... he wrote a four-page research paper and PASSED! His transformation is definitely one of the most dramatic that I've witnessed, but I'm proud of all of my students. Their final assignment for me is a reflective essay about their personal growth since the beginning of freshman year, and I can't wait to read them!
I've thought about writing my own essay that goes along with their prompt... I probably will. How have I changed this year? In about 1000 different ways, and I know more are coming! Look for my essay soon.
My freshmen from writing will be very hard to say goodbye to, but I'm dreading 4 PM today, because that's when the goodbyes really begin... my 8th period juniors. I have loved them since the very beginning (they're my favorite class... I'm not supposed to have favorites, but I do), and have really gotten to know them over the course of this year. I can't wait to see all the amazing things they do next year as seniors and where they will end up in college. Part of me wanted to stay here for another year, just to wait until they graduated, but I know that would lead me down a slippery slope... and besides, when I think about moving home, my "heart leaps up," as a character in a book I'm reading says.
I have always hated the end of the school year... in fact, I can only think of two that I was happy to be done with. My mom often tells the story of me sobbing in her arms the night before my last day of 3rd (and 4th... and 5th...) grade, when I told her that it was "just the best year ever" and I didn't want it to end.
I have always dealt well with change, huh?
So, here goes nothing. I still have no idea what I'm going to say to these kids who have absolutely taught me more this year than I could ever teach them. Hopefully I'll come up with something eloquent by the end of the day!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Uncomfortable
Disclaimer: Everyone is fine!
What JV year would be complete without at least one trip to the ER? Thankfully, everyone is fine, but Megan and I had a long night last night, and got to fully experience the Houston Medical Center in action.
I got home from the gym and Megan was the only one home, and she had dinner almost ready. It smelled great, and as we were chatting about our days, I noticed that she had a giant piece of duct tape holding some gauze to her hand.
Megan: Hey, how was your day?
Julia: It was ok, one of my stude... Megan, what's that on your hand?
Megan: Oh, um, I kindof had an accident.
J: ...
M: I'm kindof bleeding a little. Well, a lot. I think I might need to go to the hospital.
J: WHAT HAPPENED?
M: Well, I was cleaning, and then a glass started to fall, so I went to catch it, and then it cut me.
J: When?
M: Oh, around 2. (It was 6 PM)
J: So, you just... made dinner?
M: Yeah, I mean what else was I going to do?
Cue me freaking out, grabbing some grading and a sweatshirt, and after a very confusing parking system, we were at the Houston Med Center. We went to the ER at St. Luke's, which an FJV had recommended, and we waited.
It wasn't that busy when we first arrived, and Megan went to triage fairly quickly. Not long after that, she went back to get stitched up, and I waited some more. I hadn't been in an ER for a very long time, and never in a city like Houston. Right as Megan left me, things stopped being quiet. I was reminded that the ER is the place where folks without health insurance can go to be treated (ps- health insurance is still an extremely confusing thing to me, so this might not be 100% accurate, but I'm relaying my understanding to you!), and people with all different types of health issues came in.
It was clear that one man just had a terrible head cold, but instead of going to a regular doctor, he went to the ER. A woman came in who was clearly in a lot of pain- she was screaming and crying, and while she went to triage fairly quickly, she was still in the waiting room when Megan and I left, almost an hour later. I saw stretchers coming off of ambulances being rushed in, people with clear wounds from violence, and many people who had come in by themselves and needed to call a cab in order to get home.
While I did have my grading with me, I was distracted, especially by the woman who was so visibly in pain. Not only was she in a lot of clear pain, she was not given the opportunity to be dignified in her pain. She had to wait in a very public waiting room while she was screaming and crying, and while I know that her physical pain must have been atrocious, it was only exacerbated by embarrassment. I would be mortified in her situation, and all I could do while I was sitting there was pray.
I have so many friends who are really passionate about healthcare reform, but my privilege has kept me out of the direct line of seeing why it's so important. I know that there are 1 billion different issues that fall under the umbrella of healthcare reform, but last night gave me a look into the lives of people who can't just call up a family doctor for something. Last night was uncomfortable for everyone (especially poor Megan who ended up with four stitches), but I was glad that I was there. I obviously wanted to be there for Megan, but I have been in a comfortable place at work and in our neighborhood recently, and I needed a little reminder of what JVC is supposed to do. I needed to sit in the uncomfort for an hour or two.
So yes, I'm tired today, because I had to spend time in the ER last night. I'm still expected to do my job, and we really had a relatively quick ER experience- about 3 hours from leaving the house, we were home. We (knock on wood) won't be back any time soon, and didn't need to pay anything because of JVC's awesome insurance.
What JV year would be complete without at least one trip to the ER? Thankfully, everyone is fine, but Megan and I had a long night last night, and got to fully experience the Houston Medical Center in action.
I got home from the gym and Megan was the only one home, and she had dinner almost ready. It smelled great, and as we were chatting about our days, I noticed that she had a giant piece of duct tape holding some gauze to her hand.
Megan: Hey, how was your day?
Julia: It was ok, one of my stude... Megan, what's that on your hand?
Megan: Oh, um, I kindof had an accident.
J: ...
M: I'm kindof bleeding a little. Well, a lot. I think I might need to go to the hospital.
J: WHAT HAPPENED?
M: Well, I was cleaning, and then a glass started to fall, so I went to catch it, and then it cut me.
J: When?
M: Oh, around 2. (It was 6 PM)
J: So, you just... made dinner?
M: Yeah, I mean what else was I going to do?
Cue me freaking out, grabbing some grading and a sweatshirt, and after a very confusing parking system, we were at the Houston Med Center. We went to the ER at St. Luke's, which an FJV had recommended, and we waited.
It wasn't that busy when we first arrived, and Megan went to triage fairly quickly. Not long after that, she went back to get stitched up, and I waited some more. I hadn't been in an ER for a very long time, and never in a city like Houston. Right as Megan left me, things stopped being quiet. I was reminded that the ER is the place where folks without health insurance can go to be treated (ps- health insurance is still an extremely confusing thing to me, so this might not be 100% accurate, but I'm relaying my understanding to you!), and people with all different types of health issues came in.
It was clear that one man just had a terrible head cold, but instead of going to a regular doctor, he went to the ER. A woman came in who was clearly in a lot of pain- she was screaming and crying, and while she went to triage fairly quickly, she was still in the waiting room when Megan and I left, almost an hour later. I saw stretchers coming off of ambulances being rushed in, people with clear wounds from violence, and many people who had come in by themselves and needed to call a cab in order to get home.
While I did have my grading with me, I was distracted, especially by the woman who was so visibly in pain. Not only was she in a lot of clear pain, she was not given the opportunity to be dignified in her pain. She had to wait in a very public waiting room while she was screaming and crying, and while I know that her physical pain must have been atrocious, it was only exacerbated by embarrassment. I would be mortified in her situation, and all I could do while I was sitting there was pray.
I have so many friends who are really passionate about healthcare reform, but my privilege has kept me out of the direct line of seeing why it's so important. I know that there are 1 billion different issues that fall under the umbrella of healthcare reform, but last night gave me a look into the lives of people who can't just call up a family doctor for something. Last night was uncomfortable for everyone (especially poor Megan who ended up with four stitches), but I was glad that I was there. I obviously wanted to be there for Megan, but I have been in a comfortable place at work and in our neighborhood recently, and I needed a little reminder of what JVC is supposed to do. I needed to sit in the uncomfort for an hour or two.
So yes, I'm tired today, because I had to spend time in the ER last night. I'm still expected to do my job, and we really had a relatively quick ER experience- about 3 hours from leaving the house, we were home. We (knock on wood) won't be back any time soon, and didn't need to pay anything because of JVC's awesome insurance.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Sacrifice
Hello, readers!
It's been a jam-packed week here in Houston. I had Tom come to visit me over last weekend and into this week, which was simply wonderful. I have been really missing home and PC, and he is the perfect combination of those two things. We went to an Astros game, a Dynamo game, saw the Houston Art Car Parade, and ate some delicious food over the course of a few days. I loved having him meet my community members and students, and as sad as I was to see him go, it made me all the more excited to return to Philadelphia come August.
Again, it was so great to have him here. Saying goodbye was really hard, but as the school year comes to an end, I am happy to stay present to my students. I cannot believe that this is my last week of teaching!
On Friday afternoon, we had a lovely event at school: a "fireside chat." In our beautiful faculty lounge, we sat on comfy couches and enjoyed snacks and drinks and just shared stories about students. It was complete with candles and a videoscreen of a real roaring fire, and another video screen of Andrew, a faculty member who left us in the middle of the year but has been an integral part of CRJ since the first year.
I heard so many stories about the very beginnings of the school, and how far its come. It's been a real transformation for sure, both of the facility and the people who have been a part of it. I heard about students who are no longer with us, the original phone system (it was just a cordless phone that the receptionist had to run down a hallway), and funny stories about the soon to be graduating. I was so proud to be a part of such an incredible community, and I started to get sad: it dawned on me that while I'll be in Houston for two more months, I will have to say goodbye to most of my students and many coworkers within the next two weeks. I'll miss them greatly, and I'm not sure how to communicate to them how much they have impacted my life.
Saturday morning, after some delicious breakfast tacos (seriously, my favorite food group is breakfast taco), I found myself helping out at CRJ. It was Saturday Academy- a time for students who are missing work to come to school and get it done. There were so many students who came to school that I found myself with a whole computer lab full of them, and I was in charge of making sure that they weren't chatting and were staying on task. I had come in so that I could help out my students who hadn't finished their research papers... and didn't anticipate how much more work was ahead of me. I was frustrated and slightly overwhelmed, but as I was trying to quiet down a particularly boisterous trio of students, I remembered something that Andrew said at our fireside chat the day before.
The word "sacrifice" literally means to make something holy. All of us who are a part of CRJ- students, faculty, staff, parents, volunteers- sacrifice so much in order to make CRJ work. Our work is holy work.
This was a year of sacrifice for me: I'm away from my family, boyfriend, and friends, I am working extremely hard for not a lot of monetary compensation, and I'm always hot. It is a holy year. As a JV, I am recognizing CRJ as a holy place, something that has given me more than I could ever give to it. So yes, my Saturday morning was sacrificed, but I made it holy by spending time at school.
I'm taking this idea of my holy year with me for the next two months. It's just what I need in order to keep my attitude up about being here. Here's to the final push!
It's been a jam-packed week here in Houston. I had Tom come to visit me over last weekend and into this week, which was simply wonderful. I have been really missing home and PC, and he is the perfect combination of those two things. We went to an Astros game, a Dynamo game, saw the Houston Art Car Parade, and ate some delicious food over the course of a few days. I loved having him meet my community members and students, and as sad as I was to see him go, it made me all the more excited to return to Philadelphia come August.
A screenshot from Snapchat... Go Astros! Below are a bunch of different cars from the Art Car parade... such a fun event!
Tom came to visit me at school!
Again, it was so great to have him here. Saying goodbye was really hard, but as the school year comes to an end, I am happy to stay present to my students. I cannot believe that this is my last week of teaching!
On Friday afternoon, we had a lovely event at school: a "fireside chat." In our beautiful faculty lounge, we sat on comfy couches and enjoyed snacks and drinks and just shared stories about students. It was complete with candles and a videoscreen of a real roaring fire, and another video screen of Andrew, a faculty member who left us in the middle of the year but has been an integral part of CRJ since the first year.
I heard so many stories about the very beginnings of the school, and how far its come. It's been a real transformation for sure, both of the facility and the people who have been a part of it. I heard about students who are no longer with us, the original phone system (it was just a cordless phone that the receptionist had to run down a hallway), and funny stories about the soon to be graduating. I was so proud to be a part of such an incredible community, and I started to get sad: it dawned on me that while I'll be in Houston for two more months, I will have to say goodbye to most of my students and many coworkers within the next two weeks. I'll miss them greatly, and I'm not sure how to communicate to them how much they have impacted my life.
Saturday morning, after some delicious breakfast tacos (seriously, my favorite food group is breakfast taco), I found myself helping out at CRJ. It was Saturday Academy- a time for students who are missing work to come to school and get it done. There were so many students who came to school that I found myself with a whole computer lab full of them, and I was in charge of making sure that they weren't chatting and were staying on task. I had come in so that I could help out my students who hadn't finished their research papers... and didn't anticipate how much more work was ahead of me. I was frustrated and slightly overwhelmed, but as I was trying to quiet down a particularly boisterous trio of students, I remembered something that Andrew said at our fireside chat the day before.
The word "sacrifice" literally means to make something holy. All of us who are a part of CRJ- students, faculty, staff, parents, volunteers- sacrifice so much in order to make CRJ work. Our work is holy work.
This was a year of sacrifice for me: I'm away from my family, boyfriend, and friends, I am working extremely hard for not a lot of monetary compensation, and I'm always hot. It is a holy year. As a JV, I am recognizing CRJ as a holy place, something that has given me more than I could ever give to it. So yes, my Saturday morning was sacrificed, but I made it holy by spending time at school.
I'm taking this idea of my holy year with me for the next two months. It's just what I need in order to keep my attitude up about being here. Here's to the final push!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Learning to Let Go
This past weekend, I celebrated Cinco de Mayo as only an actual Mexican would- by going to a mariachi mass! After we went to spiritual direction, Emily and I went to St. Joseph's church to attend a bilingual mass featuring a mariachi band. It was a different experience to say the least- I connect so much at mass through music, and when the music is all sung in Spanish, I don't have the same connection.
It's funny, when I was in Kenya, I didn't have that same feeling. Music at mass was mainly in Kiswahili, but I was able to feel the joy and emotion through the words I didn't understand (so many consonants!). The mariachi music felt stilted and kind of old, and I didn't find the joy, life, or meaning that I usually do. There was only one trumpet, and while I definitely enjoyed the new experience, I don't know that it would be my choice for mass each week. I'm really glad that I went, mostly because of how much I loved the homily.
The priest started out by talking about how little we are in control of our own lives. He's the chaplain at MD Anderson Cancer Center. He witnesses a lot of sadness that no one can do anything about every day.
We all like to be in control of things, and if there is one thing I've come to learn over the past few years, it's that I like control a lot. When I feel like I'm in control of something, I have much more confidence in myself and that I can do it. When I'm not in control, I'm anxious. Learning what I can and cannot control is honestly one of the biggest lessons of growing up that I have learned.
I can only control how I react to something. So even if I'm upset about it, if I allow myself to be upset, I'm the one who's making it bad. This is something that I'm of course still learning- to let go of trying to be in control of everything and to just control your reactions to what happens. To "let go and let God" is not easy, but it's important to strive for. As my job search continues, that is what I am trying to remember. I can only control so much, I need to let go and let God. He's got me.
It's funny, when I was in Kenya, I didn't have that same feeling. Music at mass was mainly in Kiswahili, but I was able to feel the joy and emotion through the words I didn't understand (so many consonants!). The mariachi music felt stilted and kind of old, and I didn't find the joy, life, or meaning that I usually do. There was only one trumpet, and while I definitely enjoyed the new experience, I don't know that it would be my choice for mass each week. I'm really glad that I went, mostly because of how much I loved the homily.
The priest started out by talking about how little we are in control of our own lives. He's the chaplain at MD Anderson Cancer Center. He witnesses a lot of sadness that no one can do anything about every day.
We all like to be in control of things, and if there is one thing I've come to learn over the past few years, it's that I like control a lot. When I feel like I'm in control of something, I have much more confidence in myself and that I can do it. When I'm not in control, I'm anxious. Learning what I can and cannot control is honestly one of the biggest lessons of growing up that I have learned.
I can only control how I react to something. So even if I'm upset about it, if I allow myself to be upset, I'm the one who's making it bad. This is something that I'm of course still learning- to let go of trying to be in control of everything and to just control your reactions to what happens. To "let go and let God" is not easy, but it's important to strive for. As my job search continues, that is what I am trying to remember. I can only control so much, I need to let go and let God. He's got me.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
365 Days
As graduation for many schools approaches, I am stunned to think about the fact that it was a year ago that I packed my car and cried for 5 hours down 95 after having left Providence.
PCIrishDance had their Spring Semester Spectacular last night, the last performance for seniors. PCID was so hard for me to say goodbye to, and I know that these girls have worked so hard this year to make everything great, so I can only imagine how sad they're feeling today.
I feel like I just left Providence- I remember this time during my freshman year of college, when suddenly there was another class separating me from ND, and I wasn't the most recent graduate. It took a long time to get used to this, and I think it will take even longer to get used to the feeling at PC. I'm obviously so happy to be a JV, was thrilled to have a Philadelphia summer, and am looking forward to whatever next year may bring, but change has always been hard for me.
I have spent a lot of time today thinking about Providence- both the school and the city. This might have something to do with the fact that I'm reading a book about the Pawtucket Red Sox, and much of it takes place in Providence, but regardless, I thought of how wonderful PC in the Spring is. Glorious flowers, sunshine, music on the quad, hugs goodbye and excitement over the summer and coming year... it's a great time to be a Friar (but isn't it always?).
I am craving Providence. I just want to drive to Prospect Park blaring Coldplay and have a picnic lunch looking over the whole city. I know that the cherished memories of my four years (and amazing summer) can never happen again- it would be impossible to gather all of the people I love so much together again, but I will never forget the sense of joy and grace that city brought me.
So here's to new things... say a prayer, please, I'm working on an interview with a place I would LOVE to work next year! I know that the joy I felt in Providence will be brought to me somewhere else, but it doesn't hurt to be nostalgic every once in a while, right?
PCIrishDance had their Spring Semester Spectacular last night, the last performance for seniors. PCID was so hard for me to say goodbye to, and I know that these girls have worked so hard this year to make everything great, so I can only imagine how sad they're feeling today.
I feel like I just left Providence- I remember this time during my freshman year of college, when suddenly there was another class separating me from ND, and I wasn't the most recent graduate. It took a long time to get used to this, and I think it will take even longer to get used to the feeling at PC. I'm obviously so happy to be a JV, was thrilled to have a Philadelphia summer, and am looking forward to whatever next year may bring, but change has always been hard for me.
I have spent a lot of time today thinking about Providence- both the school and the city. This might have something to do with the fact that I'm reading a book about the Pawtucket Red Sox, and much of it takes place in Providence, but regardless, I thought of how wonderful PC in the Spring is. Glorious flowers, sunshine, music on the quad, hugs goodbye and excitement over the summer and coming year... it's a great time to be a Friar (but isn't it always?).
I am craving Providence. I just want to drive to Prospect Park blaring Coldplay and have a picnic lunch looking over the whole city. I know that the cherished memories of my four years (and amazing summer) can never happen again- it would be impossible to gather all of the people I love so much together again, but I will never forget the sense of joy and grace that city brought me.
So here's to new things... say a prayer, please, I'm working on an interview with a place I would LOVE to work next year! I know that the joy I felt in Providence will be brought to me somewhere else, but it doesn't hurt to be nostalgic every once in a while, right?
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Just Let the Words Fall Out
So, the past week, though so enlightening, hasn't been easy. Silent retreat was exhausting, and we returned to find out that one of our roommates has decided to leave JVC. It was a really hard decision for her, but ultimately the right one, and I'm nothing but proud of her for making it.
It was obviously very difficult for our community to see her go, but we are trying to keep on keeping on. Some of us spent the weekend in San Antonio for Fiesta, a huge festival. It was a blast- but very damp. It POURED rain... we took cover under a bridge on the riverwalk, and despite the inclement weather and the parade ultimately being canceled, being with the San Antonio and Austin JVs made it worth it.
Our house dynamic is tricky now that we're down one, and we aren't really processing it well, but we're continuing to do our work. That's why we're here, right? Today is the feast of St. Catherine of Siena, who many know I refer to as "my girl." She was a Dominican sister (awesome in its own right), and was named Doctor of the Church, the first woman to receive this honor. She did a lot of work to restore the Church during the schism and is credited with bringing Pope Gregory back to Rome from Avignon. She was a theologian and philosopher, and was awesome. She lived the Dominican ideal of finding the real truth, and she's my favorite saint (and patron saint from my Confirmation!).
I've been thinking a lot about her in the past few days. She's reminding me to be brave and keep trying to heal my community and give my all to my kids. This new Sara Barielles song came out last week... perfectly timed. I think St. Catherine would like it, and I'd say it's my new theme song, in case you were worried.
It was obviously very difficult for our community to see her go, but we are trying to keep on keeping on. Some of us spent the weekend in San Antonio for Fiesta, a huge festival. It was a blast- but very damp. It POURED rain... we took cover under a bridge on the riverwalk, and despite the inclement weather and the parade ultimately being canceled, being with the San Antonio and Austin JVs made it worth it.
Our house dynamic is tricky now that we're down one, and we aren't really processing it well, but we're continuing to do our work. That's why we're here, right? Today is the feast of St. Catherine of Siena, who many know I refer to as "my girl." She was a Dominican sister (awesome in its own right), and was named Doctor of the Church, the first woman to receive this honor. She did a lot of work to restore the Church during the schism and is credited with bringing Pope Gregory back to Rome from Avignon. She was a theologian and philosopher, and was awesome. She lived the Dominican ideal of finding the real truth, and she's my favorite saint (and patron saint from my Confirmation!).
I've been thinking a lot about her in the past few days. She's reminding me to be brave and keep trying to heal my community and give my all to my kids. This new Sara Barielles song came out last week... perfectly timed. I think St. Catherine would like it, and I'd say it's my new theme song, in case you were worried.
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