Learning to Let Go

This past weekend, I celebrated Cinco de Mayo as only an actual Mexican would- by going to a mariachi mass! After we went to spiritual direction, Emily and I went to St. Joseph's church to attend a bilingual mass featuring a mariachi band. It was a different experience to say the least- I connect so much at mass through music, and when the music is all sung in Spanish, I don't have the same connection.

It's funny, when I was in Kenya, I didn't have that same feeling. Music at mass was mainly in Kiswahili, but I was able to feel the joy and emotion through the words I didn't understand (so many consonants!). The mariachi music felt stilted and kind of old, and I didn't find the joy, life, or meaning that I usually do. There was only one trumpet, and while I definitely enjoyed the new experience, I don't know that it would be my choice for mass each week. I'm really glad that I went, mostly because of how much I loved the homily.

The priest started out by talking about how little we are in control of our own lives. He's the chaplain at MD Anderson Cancer Center. He witnesses a lot of sadness that no one can do anything about every day.

We all like to be in control of things, and if there is one thing I've come to learn over the past few years, it's that I like control a lot. When I feel like I'm in control of something, I have much more confidence in myself and that I can do it. When I'm not in control, I'm anxious. Learning what I can and cannot control is honestly one of the biggest lessons of growing up that I have learned.

I can only control how I react to something. So even if I'm upset about it, if I allow myself to be upset, I'm the one who's making it bad.  This is something that I'm of course still learning- to let go of trying to be in control of everything and to just control your reactions to what happens. To "let go and let God" is not easy, but it's important to strive for. As my job search continues, that is what I am trying to remember. I can only control so much, I need to let go and let God. He's got me.